This blog is slightly self-indulgent. It is an early memory of mine I want to share with you. I tell it from the haze experienced by most first time mothers. It is an ode to all new mum's out there, and perhaps even a declaration of support to all mum's feeling overwhelmed, lost, and incompetent. Upon taking my newborn son for a walk (he was a great pram-sleeper) in his tender few weeks of life, I was on my return loop home, he was screaming, and I was exhausted. Being the new age super mum I had signed up to be, I had chosen to take the dog a long too! It was getting late, it was windy, and I was pushing up a steep hill. There was a particularly rough patch of road on this hill which caused the pram to tip. The dog was scurrying in one direction, my son was at full pitch. I was straining to keep the pram upright, I was straining further to keep my self intact.
I can not imagine what pain my face showed as I fumbled up this hill.
Somebody noticed.
A white car turned down this road, and in a blur of seconds a lady called out to me. I will never forget what she said. It went something like this "You are beautiful, you're a great mum, and you are doing a wonderful job"
I did not know this woman, and she did not know me. I believe she could 'feel' me.
Her words saved me that day, and many times I have thought of her generous compliments. As mother's we do live in a state of relative disconnect as we mother our children. I hope this story inspires some of you to shout out a compliment to another mum. We can never hear enough nice things, and the bubble of motherhood is vast and intense, but together we can make it a warmer and safer place to be.
We all been there! Lovely story Mel.
ReplyDeleteAfter becoming a new mum 5 months ago I can honestly say i have thoroughly enjoyed motherhood and have high fived myself a number of times for being so competent and keeping it together but... I've really struggled with the lack of freedom, the financial dependance on my partner and the guilt when taking a brief moment for myself.
ReplyDeleteI learnt a very valuable lesson last week and one that I will need to remind myself of throughout the years ahead.
Pre beautiful bubba, I was an exercise enthusiast. I loved to sweat, I loved the challenge of a hard workout and I loved the 'burn' that follows. For me exercise was more mentally gratifying than physical and a great escape from the stresses of everyday life.
Since having my son I 'had' made up every excuse possible for why I was not ready to return to training. My partner was supportive of my decision until one day after niggling with each other he told me "enough excuses, you are going back to training tomorrow - non negotiable!" Little did I know I wasn't fooling anyone, I was a GREAT mother but a miserable person. Where had 'I' gone and now, how do I cut the umbilical cord, so to speak?!
4.45pm my partner walked in the door and said 'step away from the baby and give me a brief 2 minute handover'. At the 2 minute mark I was cut off and kicked out the door still jabbering on about what to do if there was a tsunami, riot or disease outbreak within the next hour.
I spent the 5 minute drive to the gym chewing my nails and hyperventilating about my 5 month old spending quality time with his very capable father and wondering how I would survive the guilt of taking an hour out of 'our' day for myself.
I spent one whole hour sweating, hurting and challenging myself physically and mentally, then I closed the car door, turned the music up and breathed quietly for the 5 minute return trip home.
To my astonishment the house was still standing, there was no tsunami and my son was giggling in the arms of his father, showered and ready for bed!
I smothered my son in kisses and hugs and checked him over for bruises, bites, disease outbreaks etc. but once again, all good.
It has been a week now and I have trained everyday. The world has not fallen apart, my feeling of guilt is subsiding and my partner has his girl back :)
The moral of my longwinded story is to not forget yourself when you become a mum. When you nurture 'you' everyone around you will win. When you think of yourself as 'just' a mother and/ or a wife you've lost yourself and nobody wins.
Be the best 'you' you can be and your world and all those in it will thank you xx
Wow, it's amazing how we remember little moments like this when everything is such a haze. I remember standing under a tree in a park (on a 38 degree day) with my daughter in the Baby Bjorn after she had not slept all day (nor much of the night before). I was exhausted and teary. After hours and hours of crying (from both of us) and rocking and patting and pacing the hallway, I called my husband in tears, looking for the magic answer (poor him...at work...and as clueless as I was with the whole baby sleep thing!). "Go for a walk...get out of the house" was the advice. So I did...with the pram. But she screamed even louder. So I went home and found the Baby Bjorn and as I walked to the park, the screaming stopped. I was too nervous to stop walking in case she woke again. But she was asleep. It was so hot!! I found the tree and just stood there while she slept...for half an hour. I was asleep on my feet. But it was ok. Because everything was quiet, finally. Half an hour of quiet, in the park, under a tree, on a hot day. It didn't occur to me at the time that she probably would have stayed asleep if I sat down! I was so sleep deprived. There was no logic. This is a moment that I remember so clearly!
ReplyDeleteGreat contributions girls; sharing our experiences may also positively improve the perspective of other 'struggling' mum's and nothing beats that! Win, win ...Helen
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